Crazy Things ive Done

Many Years ago, I was a Despatch rider in London, Possibly the best job i've ever had, and the guys I worked with were great. I’ve so many Stories which I plan to add to my Book about this job, but here are a few tasters. Fond Memories, lost a few good friends doing that job, had a few big crashes but worked with some great guys and had 4 odd years, also meet my Wife whilst I was doing this job, but that’s for another day So Steve, DC, Darren, Freddie, Basil [Chopper Cerenkov], Big Richard, Richard, Darren 2, Matt [Stealth], Ken [Rocket], Vince, Tom, Jill, Bill, WC2 Bill, Colin, Piggy, Norman im sure you will remember these THE JOCKEY CLUB It was a Thursday afternoon, it had been raining all day, we were cold and wet and had been drinking Tea from the Cab Rank all day, we were plotted up, [Sat waiting on the road for jobs to come through], and anyway Dc and I were sat in Portman Square W1. I got a call to go to The Jockey Club to pick up a parcel going to Paddington, so I shoot over there, and make my way up in the lift, I get the parcel and ask the Jobs Worth behind the desk could I use the Toilet, [Typical Security Guard] He said no, my teeth were under water I was so in need, so I asked again, and he still said no, so on the way down in the lift I pissed on the red velvet cloth covering the walls, Felt much better. TEXICO BE SEEN BE SAFE If was Halloween , the long dark night, and every where in London there where these posters for Texaco offer free Fluorescing Arm Bands etc to be seen and be safe, So it had been a long day and I was travelling up the Harrow road, towards All Souls Avenue, There is a bus stop just outside the Virgin Hospitality Building, Anyway Im travelling about 10 – 15 MPH, as the traffic is bad and its bloody cold, I fly past this bus stop, when the Teenager jumps out in front of me and shouts trick or Treat , So I hit him smack bang in the balls with my Front wheel, the guy is virtually sat on my front mudguard, Well he falls, and I stop with my front Wheel parked on his balls, He is dressed for head to foot in black, and just where he landed is this bloody great Texaco sign saying “Be Seen Be Safe”, im telling you he must have had balls like water melons the next day, TAKE IT EASY We had a courier work with us called Mark, Mark was into looking after the country and all animals, Anyway he got a job to Regents Park Circle, a very posh area, there he was flying around this road, and all of a sudden this Squirrel jumps out, now Mark being Mark, swerves to miss the Squirrel and stacked his bike [Crashed], So he gets back to the base in Chancery lane, and he tells us all the storey, Which in hindsight properly was not the best thing to do, as the next day he came in there were posters of Squirrels all over the place, and Cadburys Caramel Bars as well, every time he went out on a job someone would say “TAKE IT EASY” in reference to the Cadburys advert with the talking Squirrel, he never did live that down DO YOU KNOW WHERE MARBLE ARCH IS When you start off as a courier you don’t know jack shit, it takes time, anyway I was on my way back for UIP in King street Hammersmith, I jump on my bike, radio that I clear and head back, as I pull up at the main round-a-bout, this young lad on a 50cc Moped pulls up next to me, he looks like he’s petrified, mind you facing 8 lanes of traffic is bad, So he said do you know where Marble Arch is, I say do you not have a A2Z with you, A stupid Question, so i say Look i’ve got to go that way follow me, so I shot off at Mach 10 screaming down the road, drop down onto the Sheppard’s bush round-a-bout and then rip down to the Bayswater road, now I thought he would have seen it the bloody great marble Arch Sign, but clearly I was wrong, as when I pulled up at the office in Chancery Lane, he was still behind my, he was only about 5 miles off his Target.