Wind-ups, stitch-ups and pissing taking

Well as promised i said id let in on some of the things we have done to each other not to many as im going to put most in my 2 books that i desire to write when i retire,

No real Titles yet but a few that we came up with

Where the F**k am i? Your only ever truly lost when it’s dark , Cold and pissing down with rain,

Hello Projection, life looking out of a dark room, even prisoners get a window

So here goes just a few,

THE FAX We used to have a National Support Office in Solihull, why Solihull i don’t know, but never the less we had one there, anyway we used to have to fax off untold reports and stuff like that, so one day i asked/told one of my team to fax through 20 sheets of blank paper to Solihull as they had ran out, and sure enough he did it, I could not believe he would fall for that, but then again never underestimate the power of stupidity, Sure enough 20 mins later i got my support boss on the phone wanting to know why we had sent him 20 sheets of blank paper.

BORED When i was a courier, we used to have our own radio network, and all had our own call signs, anyway we had one guy called DC who could mimic anyone, and his favourite trick was to wind the controller up, anyway we all knew it was DC apart from the boss and his side kick, so every now and then you would here across the radio “BORED”, then nothing, about 10 mins later you would here “B O R E D”, this used to really get on the bosses nerve , well it was a really slow in august all the courts were closed [We mainly did legal work] so we were all waiting for jobs to come out, when across the radio came the “BORED”, well Tom the boss must have been having a bad day as he snarled down the radio, Who is this, i want to know now, Silence, he then called all the call signs asking us, after about 5 mins came “BORED”, well that was it im told tom was red with anger, he said again Who is this, and the replay was “I SAID I WAS BORED NOT F***ING STUPID”, we were pissing ourselves laughing, when we got back to the office we had to try and walk in not laughing Priceless, Even to this day i would put money on it that Tom and Steve the Other controller did not know who it was.

THE GENIE HORN We have a fork lift type device for moving the Imax films around, anyway it has a horn on it, so for a laugh i thought id tell one of the guys that we had a memo from head office saying that when using the genie the horn had to be pressed two hoots for forwards and 3 for backwards, well this went on for most of the week, on the Friday my Boss was down seeing me, and as we sat in the Imax Booth sure enough a Unnamed Projectionist comes along and starts moving films, and right on cue he starts honking the horn, well after about 30 mins my boss said to me why is he honking the horn?, god knows Ian i don’t have a clue, this went on all day, ever 45 mins or so you would he Beep Beep and then Beep Beep Beep as he was moving film around. In the end my boss went up to him and asked him why he was beeping the horn, I have not laughed so much in ages

JACK ANORY We had a driver who used to do most of the van jobs called Steve, this guy was such a bullshitter that he just left himself open for abuse, He hated us Riders with a real venomous passion , The job was always risky flying through the traffic so you tended never take shit off nobody, looking back 2 van drivers against 10 Despatch riders was no match as we used to wind them up big time, so to get at him even more we told him we had a new rider called Jack Anory, i kid you not, he was so full of shit he once tried to tell us he had been pulled for speeding doing 45 in a 30 mile zone by a policeman on a horse, so you can see where im coming from, well it went on for 3 years and i bet to this date he still believes there was rider called Jack Anory, He would come into the office and we would say you have just missed Jack, i mean how dumb can you be, but he fell for it, everyone was in on it, and no matter what time of day, or day of the week when ever when he walked in he would get “You have just missed Jack”, i will say that at every opportunity we would rip his wing mirrors off, he must have spent most of his wages on new wing mirrors what a tool.

There are many more some really classic ones but you will have to wait to the books come out.

Have a good one

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